Tag: pet loss (page 1 of 3)

Dear Gord

Guest Author – Mandy Jackson, RVT

Gord megaesophagus fosterI put a dog to sleep yesterday.  He was my foster dog.  He came to me quite ill, and with a disease I knew I couldn’t cure.  Gord had megaesophagus.  What that meant for him was that his esophagus, the “tube” that carries food from your mouth to your stomach, was stretched out like a balloon that has been blown up and deflated dozens of times.  The muscular contractions, called peristalsis, that help move your and waste through your body did not occur in his esophagus.  I described it as though he had something like a pelican pouch in his throat.  When he ate, much of his food and water would collect in this “pouch”, rather than being digested in his stomach and intestines.  He regurgitated a lot of what he was fed.  He came to me emaciated, needing to gain about 35% of his body weight, a daunting task for both of us.  How do you get a dog who can’t maintain his weight to gain 20 pounds?

megaesophagus foster walkMegaesophagus is an awful disease.  To have a beautiful, kind and gentle soul in your home, starving despite your best attempts to feed him is heartbreaking for you, but unquestionably worse for him.  We tried several different textures and consistencies and with the help of a friend who also cared for Gord in her home while I was unavailable, we learned that “meatballs” worked best for him.  I’d roll his food into golf ball sized nuggets and toss them to him one by one, hold him sitting in the begging position and then go for a short walk.  Water was more difficult, but I taught him to drink from a huge rabbit bottle mounted so he had to hold his head up to drink.  After 3 weeks of trial and error I finally felt like we were on the right path.  That maybe, just maybe, he could be managed.  That he could potentially live a “normal” life.  For almost 5 days he gained weight and strength.  He was producing more urine, and it was becoming paler in colour, showing that he was better hydrated than before.  He walked faster on our short travels, not rude enough to pull me, but enthusiastic enough that I could feel a difference in him.  I was so very proud of him.

And then, on Thursday, I went to check on him in his run at work.  To give him his dinner and spend my lunch break walking him.  He had vomited 3 puddles of blood in his kennel.  My heart sank into my feet.  I will not go into more detail here, but it’s most likely that 2 years of poorly managed megaesophagus left his mind and spirit willing to recover, but his body just too damaged, the last 18 hours of his life caused a shocking transformation in his body and spirit.

Deciding to end the life of a foster is a uniquely horrible experience.  He wasn’t really “my” dog, but I had taken responsibility for his life and his care.  He was mine in trust, on loan, my temporary dog. I was only supposed to be a resting place, a bump in his road.  But there he was, getting sicker in front of me and waiting for me to make it better.  Not able to tell me how he felt, what he wanted.  I sat on my couch with his big, blocky, black velvet head in my lap and promised him that I would make it stop.  My beautiful Gord was not Gord anymore.  For the first time since I met him, he was in pain and that was not part of the deal I made with him.  I took him to work, one last sad car ride.  Carried him into the treatment room and gave his care over to 2 of the loveliest people I’ve ever met.  At the end of his life I wasn’t his nurse or his foster mom anymore.  I was just his person, finally.  Gord of No Fixed Address (the horrible nickname I gave him, a joke that started when a friend suggested I adopt him) was at home in my heart.  I climbed up on the table and wrapped myself around him, buried my face in that perfect spot behind every retriever’s ears and held him close.  He went quietly, left this world in the arms of someone who loved him enough to make that call. Gord with bear

Dear Gord,

I’m sorry.

=======================================

Mandy Jackson RVT

Mandy Jackson is a registered veterinary technician at the Kingston Veterinary Clinic.  Mandy shares her home with her 2 dogs, Auden and Olivia, and her cat, Floyd Pepper.  When she’s not at work, she co-runs Friends of Willow Rescue (an all-breed rescue), is a busy foster-mom, avid reader and a recent convert to the joys of crocheting.

Live Life Like Your Dog Would

Lessons From a Dog

And in his final words, I found an ace that I could keep.” — Kenny Rogers, The Gambler

It’s been a week since we said goodbye to Charlie.  Most dogs have many things to tell us as long as we are willing to listen.  No, this is not meant to be a eulogy.  It’s the last lesson he taught us before saying goodbye.  Something we all should strive to do with our lives is to live with the attitude that our dogs do.  Just imagine how much life better could be if we adopted this philosophy.

Charlie was raised in not so good circumstances.  Prior to our meeting at vet school, Charlie had lived at a Charlie 2007kennel facility in Arkansas.  Many unsavory things happened there that are chronicled in the documentary “Dealing Dogs.”  Charlie and a few other dogs were lucky to get out when they were acquired by the vet school but for Charlie he did not get a new home unscathed.  A few years after I graduated, I found out that Charlie had been shot and he carried those pellets until the day he died.  Despite that incident, he was a happy soul, never minded being the student “practice dog” as we learned physical exam skills, and was happy to be around people even if they were always palpating his abdomen.  No matter where you came from, you can always strive for a better life and rise above.  Sometimes it takes a little luck.  It also takes courage, trust, and forgiveness.  Be brave.  Be forgiving.  Be open to love.

Many people don’t realize that animals can also donate blood to fellow members of their species.  Charlie was blessed with being a universal blood donor and he gave regularly during his time at the University of Illinois; in fact it was his main job.  He even gave once more in an emergency 5 years after he retired and helped save another life.  Give of yourself to help others without expecting anything in return.

Adoption day 2005

Adoption day 2005

When Charlie was adopted 10 years ago, he got to live with my mom while I finished vet school for the last 6 months.  She promptly spoiled him rotten with cheese and dog treats so much that he gained 10 pounds which we later worked off.  He also picked up the new chore of helping to clean out the cat litterbox which he did even until his last year.  No, I still don’t know why dogs eat poop.  Treat your grandparents well and they’ll make it extra worthwhile.  Also, try new foods to eat – life is an adventure.  Don’t regret the goodies in life even if you have to make a few sacrifices later.

The pic that started a relationship

Charlie was always the friendly type of dog.  He was very fond of trying to meet the local squirrels.  But deep down, he was a tender hearted ladies’ man.  When people came over to visit, if the guest was a woman, Charlie was right there, trying to be a lap dog.  With guys, he would offer a tail wagging hello then wander off to take a nap.  I’ll never forget the day I got an email from my then future wife.  She had seen a picture of Charlie & I, got in touch and, after many conversations, we decided to meet.  Charlie could now add “matchmaker” to his resume.  The rest is history.  Get out and mingle.  Make new friends even if they might be different from you.  When you meet that person who might be “the one,” trust your instincts.

Almost 10 years later, our last day together lessons from a dog

Almost 10 years later, our last day together

We moved to Canada in 2009 and settled on a small farm.  Charlie & I had experienced snow before but I was not a fan being a native Floridian.  I had always kept Charlie on the leash in school and while we lived in Florida but now I decided to try him off leash.  I’ve never seen such a happy dog prancing through the snow.  Jennifer was often worried that he would run off but I trusted Charlie and we had built a bond that the thought of him taking off never crossed my mind.  He never wandered far and he always came back when I called, though with his black fur he did become harder to find at night.  He also picked up the habit of backing into the bushes on the edge of the property to do his business…so much that sometimes only his face would show.  Take some time to act like a kid again, play in that snow or on that beach.  Set aside a little private time for yourself daily.  It can help clear the mind and let you relax.  Modesty and humbleness are good qualities to have.

Charlie snow

Last year, we faced the most difficult time with Charlie’s splenectomy and the uncertainty that he would survive.  We were fortunate, both in that it was caught before it was too late and we had luck on our side.  Each day after that was a gift that we would never take for granted.  It was always our wish for Charlie to enjoy another summer and it came true.  A little over a year later, we received the cancer & kidney failure diagnosis that would ultimately signal the end.  The last few months have been filled with ups and downs.  But through it all, we were grateful for every day and Charlie wagged his tail and always rallied when we thought the end was coming.  Live each day in the moment.  Never give up.  You have a purpose and you are loved.

Of course I miss my buddy and someday, I’ll adopt another dog to give them a life they’ve been dreaming of, fullFarley-Foundation of love and a family.  Until then, I will continue to help other people and their pets as best as I am able; it’s what Charlie would have wanted.  October is Farley Month for the Farley Foundation.  Their mission is to help elderly or disabled pet owners who have difficulty affording treatment for their companion animals.  In October 2015, for every read & share of this post, I will donate 50 cents to the Farley Foundation in memory of Charlie (up to $500 and in addition to my own separate donation – update 2016: We surpassed over 2000 reads/shares last year in just a few short days).  Thank you for all the condolences this past week and all the good wishes during Charlie’s journey with us over the past 18 months.  Now take a dog’s advice and go live your life like they would.

Charlie last portrait lessons from a dog

“Wag the Tail”

“Wag the Tail”

Hey, it’s Charlie.   I’ve taken over dad’s blog again to tell you something important.   Actually, grand-dad told Ryan Charlie st patrick daysomething about “wagging the tail” and between the two of us, we think we’ve figured it out.   But since I’m so personable and a great story teller, dad is letting me share it with you.   Oh wait, dad says he’s going to help me tell it to make sure we all understand if I get confused or distracted.

 

The 4th and last chemo treatment

The 4th and last chemo treatment

It all started a few weeks ago.   After my second chemo treatment, strange things began happening including seizures and I was having some collapse type episodes.   One night, I remember dad telling me it was okay to “go” so I knew my illness was wearing on him.   I also didn’t want to eat which is so unlike me.   It was some pretty scary stuff.   A few weeks later after the fourth chemo treatment, I couldn’t walk.   I never had my next scheduled chemo treatment but I heard mom and dad talking about the big sleep.   It was just before a weekend so they wanted to spend some time with me and spoil me rotten.   I wagged my tail and in return got lots of hugs and lots of food I shouldn’t normally eat.

 

"Chemo was exhausting!"

“Chemo was exhausting!”

As that weekend went on, I started getting stronger and getting back to being able to walk.   I felt like that guy in the movie “Rocky” as he’s running on the steps and everyone is cheering for him.   Dad was so happy he told me there was no more chemo!   This was good because I hated the weekly needle pokes and feeling sick.   On the other hand, I got some to take some steroids – I didn’t get the rage and I sure didn’t pack on a lot of muscle but they did make me feel better.   I wagged my tail.

 

Resting with my buddy Taylor

Resting with my buddy Taylor

I had an accident in the house…I blame it on the drugs!   And so did dad.   He didn’t get mad.   He actually hugged me and took me outside.   If only I had known this trick earlier in life…I could have gotten away with a lot more!   The gentleness I’ve experienced only makes me want to do better and to keep on trucking.   I’m not quite ready to stop watching over my family.   Yep, my tail is still wagging.

 

It’s been a few weeks now.   Steroids made me happy and with every thing I did, dad seemed happier too, so much that if he had a tail, he’d probably be wagging it.   Instead, I figured smiles, hugs, and belly rubs are the same expression.   We pets are very perceptive and emotional; can’t you see it in our eyes and feel it in our slobbery kisses?   When our families are happy, we feel good.   When our families are stressed, we also feel anxious.   We feed off of emotions (and cookies!)…

Charlie lost in the bag of Charlee Bear treats

Charlie lost in the bag of Charlee Bear treats

Charlie….hey bud, we’re not done yet.   Oh there he goes…Charlie has lost himself in the bag of Charlee Bear treats again.   It’s Dr. Llera now so I’ll wrap this up for the both of us.   What Charlie & I have learned through this is that when times are tough, you should try to see the silver lining that is there and try to keep a positive mental attitude.   In any alarming situation with your pets, there is always hope.   It may be the hope that everything will turn out alright.   Or it may be the hope that you try your best and that they don’t suffer.   The important thing to remember is to stay strong, give your pet all the love you can, and know that in the end everything will work out.   So what are you waiting for?   Go “wag that tail.”

best friends

 

Disclaimer: Blog posts may be opinions which are my own and do not reflect those of my current or any former employers. 

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